Holy freakin' game changer. This shit is NO joke!

I don't even know where to begin. He never came. He just never came. We waited and we waited and we waited....2 weeks late and HE NEVER CAME. I beg, pleaded and was to a reduced to a squishy naked blubbering ball on the floor begging for him to just come already and his response....silence. So, we induced. Basically we had to evict him or I think he may have lived inside me forever and I'm not a fan of home schooling so what else were we to do!
Well some people who read this blog don't have children so I'll spare you the nasty details of labor...I'll just touch on the highlights. When I asked my sister what labor was like she quoted the genius Amy Poehler in Baby Mama and said "felt like I was shitting knives" (I didn't believe her at that time). Now I do. I honestly thought I was going to be one of the 520 maternal deaths in US per year. I was going to become just a number. My husband would become a motivational speaker touring the country telling the tail and holding up our son while others cheered his strength and skinny young blonds stuffed their phone numbers in his pocket. Well, screw you skinny hoochies I lived! I lived. All I can say is thank you epidural. Yes, I said it! Thank you epidural. I went from a vomiting, crying, shaking mess to a well...just a nervous determined mess. A mere 22 hours after checking in we had a baby boy. Whew...now to keep him alive!