Tankinis, and Fishin'!

I finally got my swollen, sweaty, pimply butt out of the house and onto our boat. A morning of fishing..and yes, mother, Michael drove the boat slow, what could be more fun?!?!? I squeezed into my tankini (that I actually already owned b/c at some point I thought I had a big stomach--bahahahah if the old me could see the preggo me!) and off we go.

I totally lubed up ('cause I've been told preggers burn faster than the non-carriers out there). 5o on my face and all we had was 15 so I put it on 2x to make a 30. We get to the spot and start the fishing. Well, the fish catching was out of control. EVERY cast we were catching fish. Several things I hadn't considered. Apparently I used my stomach as a great place to set the fishing pole so I had to hold it under my arm. Sounds fine until you have to jerk the pole and then I basically knock myself in the left boob EVERY SINGLE TIME. Also, we use live bait. Shrimp to be exact. Now, I've always had a soft spot for the animals of the world (we're a catch and release family) but I never considered the live shrimp. Until now. Every time I lean down to pick out a shrimp I think of the poor shrimp mom and dad, nieces, nephews and other shrimp family members desperately cowering in the corner of the live well as one of their own gets plucked from his world. I sucked it up and fished but it was a little sad. I tried to only use the REALLY big shrimp 'cause I'm thinking they've had a pretty good run of it.

What was supposed to be a day of boating turned into 3 hours. Not sure what happened but I went from normal to defcon 4 in like 15 minutes. We were cruising along and BAM starvation smacked me square in the ass. That followed up in under 2 minutes with a feeling of "holy shit it's hot". When did it get this damn hot? My skin is going to burst into flame. Damn it's really freakin' hot. I can't take it. It's too damn hot. Poor Michael, was the only other living being on the boat (besides the shrimp) and he once again had that deer in headlights look followed up with giving me a bag of sun chips and silence.

A nice cold shower was perfect. While toweling off I notice that apparently my tankini wasn't fully covering my rapidly expanding abdominal area and I have a real country come to town burn line running right under my belly button for about an inch. If the redneck yacht club is looking for a new president I think I may the overwhelming favorite...and that's not even sharing my latest hair growth/home wax experiment with you.

That's a pretty comical experiment. It all started with...oh hell no time for that now. Gotta get going on the bio oil/night time regime/war against stretchmarks.
Later!

I'll see your "sick and tired" and a raise you a "sick and pregnant"

Here I wander the earth sweaty, boobs swollen, broken out like a 14 year old who now has a weird version of a baby bump/beer belly thing happening. Not cute that people want to touch it but jiggly and odd that causes 99% of people I know to question is she pregnant or just drinking her way through this recession. When WHAM-O, here comes a damn summer cold immediately followed by a sinus infection from HELL! So, what's a jiggly pregnant gal to do? Well, I'll tell ya. NOT A HELLUVA LOT! As I'm sucking on my 47th Halls menthol lozenge, I happen to think "Hey, I can have these right?!?!". What did pregnant women do without google? I'll tell you what they probably got to finish that 47th cough lozenge. Not me, as I read that "menthol can cause contractions". FRICK! FRICK! FRICK!

Next up the neti pot. Looks cute. Shaped like a geni's bottle and very fung shuiish. How hard can it be? Pour salt water into one nostril it will magically come out of 2nd nostril and in just an unlimited amount of sessions I'll be cured. All you have to do is breath in out and from your mouth and pour! The first 2 days was great. It was cool to see pour water in one nostril and have it come out the other one. Really neat. No real change in my misery but neat none the less.

Than day 3 when the real sinus infection kicks in. At the sink, head tilted, pot in nostril, pouring perfectly.....nothing coming out the other nostril. So I tilt my head a little further maybe needing some more gravity I think. And then BAM I'm drowning. FRICKIN' drowning as the water gushes down my throat (where I'm breathing from 'member?). Not to be gross but not just salt water, nasty nose (sick nose) salt water. Not only am I drowning but now my unborn child is having to drink my nasty booger salt water. Needless to say, I end up hacking until I'm crying and then just crying 'cause I can't breath...which increases my mucus production closing off any air hole that did exist in the damn nostrils. Michael stands behind me just saying he's sorry. He's getting used to saying that A LOT. Even when he has nothing to be sorry for, good man.

Needless to say, neti-pot has been stored deep in the back of the kitchen sink banished forever. I have broken down and begun taking Sudafed...before you all FREAK out and email me that I can't have that, it's the regular kind and yes I can! Called my doctor 2x to confirm. Sweet relief.

Lastly something funny happened. Michael and I were laying in bed and I had just snuggled down up against my body pillow when I felt a weird flutter inside my stomach. A freakin' flutter inside my stomach. I kind of spazzed when it happen. Quickly rolling away. Staring at the ceiling, I exclaimed "holy shit, something just happened." Michael just stares at me. Then I wait. With big eyes, hardly breathing, kind of like you do when you wake in the middle of the night and think you heard something. But then......nothing. Was it indigestion? Am I about to toot? Burp? Sneeze? Nothing. So, I guess that was my first feeling something.

INfrickinSANE! Brace yourselves beatches, it looks like we're having baby.