Where to begin???? Still flippin' exhausted and I've doing nothing to be so dang tired. While trying to open a damn package of Saltines (do they have to be sealed with some sort of extra adhesive glue) I drove my dang car into one of the brick columns at the end of the driveway. God love, my husband he's outside trying to bump it the other way so at least it's straight.
I have never brushed my teeth so many times in one day in my life (and I had braces for YEARS). Why did no one tell me swampy nasty sticky gooey holy cow who died in there mouth was a common side effect of pregnancy?
Who's the asshole that's been punching me in the chest when I'm sleepy or maybe I'm doing a lot push ups in my dreams...either way my breasts are on fire. I hate standing in the shower as the water feels like little thumb tacks coming at my poor unprepared boobies in all different directions.
I know I'm not supposed to start showing until later but my stomach is a HUGE, swollen, giggly hot mess. Some child (ok she's probably in her 20's) said how cute you have a baby bump. Beatch with the 6 six pack abs this aint' no bump it's a gut and it's anything but cute!
I decided to purchase some bio oil for fear of the upcoming stretchmarks and am slathered in it morning noon and night...unfortunately I'm also using a self tanner and think the two mixing together have created a rash on my ass. JUST great an ever expanding ass that is now splotchy, stretched out and a weird shade of orange.
I believe I mentioned before that I'm psychotic. It's COMPLETEY OUT OF CONTROL. I've given up alcohol, caffeine and my LEXAPRO. Thank gawd we don't own a gun. I laugh, cry sometimes at the same time and DON'T CUT ME OFF!
If Michael leaves I do hope he'll return for the birth.
Be back I have to go to the bathroom or maybe just have horribly painful gas. YEAH nobody mentioned that EITHER!
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Um, this is pretty much the best blog entry I've ever read. I'm glad you're being honest about the pregnancy--I hate all these people who are like, OH, I FEEL SO GREAT! I'm sure it's hell. You are GROWING a human inside of you. I can't even imagine...But I love you, gurl, and I'm glad you're keeping the humor alive...xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteGurl...Sounds like a war inside your body! You needs some peace talks up in there. Sucks that you can't even have basic drugs. My mom smoked the whole time she was prego with me and I turned out fine. well...that's kind of a lie.
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