WTF?!? TMI!

So, now that I've told some folks about my zygote in the oven it's quite shocking the crazy ass shit that will come out of some friends, family and people I hardly know mouths. If you knew me before the fertilization you're aware that for a very long time I was not a fan of having children or other peoples children for that matter. So when you ask in your mocking tone "did you change your mind??" Yes, ass clown apparently I did otherwise why would I have gone off the pill, started taking these damn prenatal (nasty burp reaction) vitamins, have unprotected sex with my husband and then announced to you that I'm with child?!?! That doesn't mean however that I am now going to ooh and ahh over your screaming snotty kid at lunch. Still don't like them. But am pretty excited about raising my own little snotty nosed kid.

Unsolicited advice. In general not really welcome or wanted. I get that all the mothers out there have sweet little nuggets of wisdom to share....but really I'm like a second pregnant! Can you give me a minute before you tell me any of the following.
Things I don't need to hear yet.
Scrub your nipples with a toothbrush so you can breast feed better.
DON'T get your tubes tied. EVERYone I know has regretted it.
It's funny your water breaking is like peeing for a really long time.
With my epidural I couldn't move my legs, had a migraine for weeks after, lapsed in and out of consciousness.
I was ripped all the way to my rectum. My rectum!
I thought I wanted kids. I was wrong. So, wrong.
Your vagina will never look the same.

Whew.
Oh gawd here comes the saliva...where are my ginger candies???? Those damn candies are the best advice I've gotten so far!